early sat morning

yet again.
like it always works out to be.
i lose my temper.
she admits i fucked up.
and things go from bad to worse.

over and over again.
i'm so tired of all these,
yet i still can't find a solution.
its been,
hmmm,
1,2,3,4. blablabla.
probably uncountable.

why the fuck does shit like these have to keep coming back to haunt me?
argh.
fuck you konrad.
you're a piece of shit.

early saturday morning.

i really don't understand why do things have to be like this always.
i wished i had all the time in the world.
so that things wouldn't be like how they are.
i'm trying so hard sometimes.
there hasn't been once,
that i have not gave my all.
and yet,
it isn't enough.
maybe i'm really that fucked up.
its always me,
screwing things up.
its always me,
not being able to meet your needs.
its always me,
being the insensitive one.

the things that've happened recently. just reminds me of the past. i can't help but to think back, and i find myself back at square one. what've i done wrong. its deja-vu all over.

i feel so so so fucked now.
argh.

i miss the times when our love was so carefree.

I <3 YOU

early monday morning.

its been a really long time since i posted anything.


6th months has passed with that special someone.
yet,
i'm still feeling so lost tonight.
i never knew,
that whatever I've done,
was in vain.
Rain or shine,
I've always been there.
yet,
you still feel the way that you feel.
Maybe I'm still the shitty Konrad that i was a year ago today.
the big screw up that couldn't be bothered bout the direction of life.
whatever i've done til this day,
i've done it for you.
i'm trying so hard to meet you on days that i have not slept or feel really tired.
but yet,
you still the way you feel.
i've gave up what i wanted,
to spend more time with you and i was overenjoyed when i knew i had a 8-5 posting,
b'cos i knew i had more time with you,
but that doesn't seem to be the point now ain't it?
i've gave up alot of myself for you,
and i don't mind,
neither do i wanna bitch bout it.
sigh.
i'm just really lost now.
haven't we been really happy?
i just didn't know why you have to say the things that you said.
it really hurts,
to know that whatever i've done,
isn't really appreciated.
i just can't seem to figure out whats wrong.
probably its me.
it has always been me all my life.
i'm always the fucking problem in everything i've done.
...


i love you,
i miss you,
i wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

a.d.e

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
and nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me,
and I know you would.

I'll give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
and I Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up.

with all my heart,
i love you.

early thursday morning

hey people.

oh my. fucking can't sleep again. been 3days straight in a row. fuck. the day before yest i slept for 2hours. yest i slept for 3hours and i have not had any slept today yet and i gotta go to the polyclinic at 730am to get my damn mc later. grrr.

b'day's coming in 3days time, oh man, i haven't really made any plans as of yet. but having her by my side would be the best gift i could get. seriously. last year's b'day at zouk with the bffs wasn't so bad but the years before were ones to forget. so so so fucked up man. i'm so looking forward to spending the holiday season with b, especially christmas because for once during christmas, i'm not waiting under the mistletoe. weeeee. and i hope i'll have someone to cuddle and kiss during the strike at 12am this new year's. oh man, so many first times. weeee. hahahaha. being in love is just so lovely isn't it. especially with the girl of your dreams. i know i'm one hell of a lucky guy to have someone like her in my life.

anyway, i miss b many! ahhh. she's having her exams and i'm trying pretty hard not to distract her. baby, i believe that you'll do fine this time round. no worries yeah. i believe in you. and oh yeah, she came over the other day and i actually cooked for her, ah, though it wasn't anything special, i couldn't quite believe i would actually cook for someone besides myself. hahaha. but oh well, i think she liked it, erm, i hope she did, i forgot to ask b. hahahaha.

ahh. and it has been a great few weeks well spent with her. almost meeting everyday yet again. be it dinner or chilling or going to town, its always wonderful. her smile mesmerizes me many a time and i'm so totally addicted to it. even though we just got past our 3rd monthsary, i felt like i've known her for a super long time. words can't explain the closeness between us, the loving you show, the hugs and kisses you give, the words you say and the smiles you put on my face. i appreciate everything you've done for me and baby, you feel so apart of the house whenever you're crashing over. you fit into my life so perfectly and you made everything so so different. you're the reason i became much much happier, you're the reason i became who i used to be. you're everything to me and yes dear, i love you with all my heart.

oh well. i guess thats kinda all i have to say for today. real tired. and here's one of my pics taken with her. sweet huh? check out that pretty one beside me. :)

late friday night

hello everyone.

my wonderful girlfriend is beside me now and she's forcing me to blog by tickling me. hahaha. what a way to motivate me huh b? hahaha. okay, so she's over at my place watching saw V , eating my ordered pizza, and taking up my precious bed space besides she has a big bum bum. hahahaha. okay no, i'm joking on the last one.

anyway, the past month have been wonderful with her. its like we got to see each other almost everyday for the past 45 days and its been wonderful. i can never imagine myself being so close to someone ever. i feel like i've knew you all my life b, its like yeah, i'm quite confident that i know you really well. =) ahh. best thing is, we could talk bout anything in this word. hahaha. we could talk and talk and talk, and laugh bout the same things all day long. hahaha. and we could poke fun at each other all day long too. which i really like, anyone knows me well enough knows that i love to disturb other people. :D being evil is being konrad.

okay, anyway, i'm gonna dedicate this paragraph to that special girl that's made of my dreams, ahh. thanks b, especially for taking care of me when i was really sick the other day, for everything you've done for me, the cooking, the small lil' surprises and the laughters that you've brought. you're right beside me now watching tv and yeah i'm here typing this. b, you're all that matters to me, you know how special you are b and you know proud how i am to have. =) i want everyone to know how nice of a gf you've been and that you're mine now and forever. i love you baby and i could've never been happier.