early sat morning

yet again.
like it always works out to be.
i lose my temper.
she admits i fucked up.
and things go from bad to worse.

over and over again.
i'm so tired of all these,
yet i still can't find a solution.
its been,
hmmm,
1,2,3,4. blablabla.
probably uncountable.

why the fuck does shit like these have to keep coming back to haunt me?
argh.
fuck you konrad.
you're a piece of shit.

early saturday morning.

i really don't understand why do things have to be like this always.
i wished i had all the time in the world.
so that things wouldn't be like how they are.
i'm trying so hard sometimes.
there hasn't been once,
that i have not gave my all.
and yet,
it isn't enough.
maybe i'm really that fucked up.
its always me,
screwing things up.
its always me,
not being able to meet your needs.
its always me,
being the insensitive one.

the things that've happened recently. just reminds me of the past. i can't help but to think back, and i find myself back at square one. what've i done wrong. its deja-vu all over.

i feel so so so fucked now.
argh.

i miss the times when our love was so carefree.

I <3 YOU

early monday morning.

its been a really long time since i posted anything.


6th months has passed with that special someone.
yet,
i'm still feeling so lost tonight.
i never knew,
that whatever I've done,
was in vain.
Rain or shine,
I've always been there.
yet,
you still feel the way that you feel.
Maybe I'm still the shitty Konrad that i was a year ago today.
the big screw up that couldn't be bothered bout the direction of life.
whatever i've done til this day,
i've done it for you.
i'm trying so hard to meet you on days that i have not slept or feel really tired.
but yet,
you still the way you feel.
i've gave up what i wanted,
to spend more time with you and i was overenjoyed when i knew i had a 8-5 posting,
b'cos i knew i had more time with you,
but that doesn't seem to be the point now ain't it?
i've gave up alot of myself for you,
and i don't mind,
neither do i wanna bitch bout it.
sigh.
i'm just really lost now.
haven't we been really happy?
i just didn't know why you have to say the things that you said.
it really hurts,
to know that whatever i've done,
isn't really appreciated.
i just can't seem to figure out whats wrong.
probably its me.
it has always been me all my life.
i'm always the fucking problem in everything i've done.
...


i love you,
i miss you,
i wanna spend the rest of my life with you.